Redemption-(hopefully imporved)

3rd Draft to appear shortly

2nd Draft


Chapter One

The living room is barely lit. A single lamp suspends from the ceiling, casting an eerie formation of shadows alongside the wall. All is quiet except for the faint sound from a television that was left on in the bedroom. The sound barely filtering into the living room where Adam sat perched on the edge of the sofa. His eyes warily following the red glow of the cigarette that is carelessly dangling between her fingers.

“Look at me!” She screams, her voice breaking through the stillness, causing Adam to wrench.

He slowly raises his head, careful not to make eye contact with her.

“You're pathetic! Look at you. You make me sick!” She cackles at him with a disgust that reveals her hatred and her loathsome thoughts, for him, for her father, for every man.

With a start, she turns and looks behind her. A voice from her past is calling out to her. She closes her eyes and hears him whispering her name. She shakes her head, then with a quick jolt she tries to toss him from her mind, but it's too late, she's already there.

She lays very still, trying not to breathe as he hovers over her. She can smell him. A mixture of sweat, cigarettes and diesel, he worked in an automotive shop. It was almost as if he ate and drank of it. He reeked of it always, even after he bathed. The smell never left him; making her stomach turn sour. The stench of whiskey was heavier this night than usual. It begins to burn in her nostrils. Her eyes start to tear. She convinces herself it had to be from the strong odor of the whiskey, they weren't tears, no tears, no more.

He gropes for her, climbing on top of her. He wraps his mouth around her ear and whispers her name. Chills run down her spine, despising the very sound of her own name. Her small body tightens as he once again begins to violate her in way that in her mind only his violent death could ever vindicate.

She can see the events of that night flashing through her mind as if they were happening to her at that very moment, hearing the vows she made to herself that night.

“No man will ever hurt me again, never!” She swears through clenched teeth.

With every thrust her heart is hardened-hatred rears up inside of her. No more tears, no more sorrows, just unadulterated hatred for his very existence. For the existence of all men.She then made her second vow; she would kill him first thing in the morning.
~
Chapter Two

“Sara? Honey, please can we talk about this?”Adam searches his wife's face for answers.

Her eyes are wild, he'd seen them like that before, many times, but something was different. Was that a tear forming in the corner of her eye? If it was it would be the first, at least the first he had ever seen.

“Sara, please sit down.” Adam whispers. “I'm sorry. Okay? Whatever I did.” He corrects himself. “For what I did; let's just sit and talk for a minute. Put the cigarette down and come here and sit down.” Adam pats the space beside him, motioning with his other hand for her to come and sit next to him.

All the while he keeps his eye on that same cigarette. The red glow is getting fainter as the ashes accumulate, mysteriously hanging on.

For a reason only her inner demons know, her rage abruptly subsides. He had never seen her like this. Of course he'd seen her rages many times since Katelyn's death but right now as she stood there frozen, she looked so defeated. It was as if she had experienced a fatal blow. Abased, she lowers her head and walks over to Adam. She peers deep into his eyes. For a moment he swore he saw a frightened child looking back at him. In a flash that child was gone, her eyes widen and with all of the force that is within her, she strikes him hard across his face, ashes and sparks scatter into the air. Without a word she turns and walks out of the room.

Adam sweeps his tongue across his bottom lip, tasting his salty blood oozing from his mouth. With the back of his trembling hand, he wipes the blood from his lip, wrenching from the sting. He grabs his coat. Pulls his car keys from the pocket and walks out the door.

He guesses he should consider himself lucky tonight. He knows it could have been much worse as it had been so many times before.

“What happened to my life? What happened to me? He asks himself, not understanding how his life had taken such a wrong turn and how he had become such a coward.

He replays her words in his mind; Sara’s right, I am pathetic. In desperation he screams out into the night “God help me. What do I do?”

His shame runs deep inside of him. He pounds his head against the steering wheel, not even sure why he is in his car. He has nowhere to go. For a moment he contemplates running his car into a brick wall. He dispels that thought quickly, reminding himself, that he is a coward. Since driving into a brick wall is no longer an option he decides it’s safe to start the ignition. Letting his car idle, he cries out in desperation to a God he barely knows. He opens himself up, exposing his fears, his shames and even his disappointment in God.
~
He finds that empting himself is refreshing and strangely clarifying; taking a deep breath, he pulls onto the road, heading north. “North to anywhere.” He declares out loud.

As he journeys to an unknown destination, his mind takes him on a journey back through his past.

Why did I stay living in that hell for so long? It’s been two years since Katelyn died. Why did I stay? I thought at first, it was only a phase. I convinced myself this was Sara's way of dealing with the loss of our daughter. Sara had been a loving wife once, hadn't she? Well, she was most of the time. She had moments where she would go on her tirades. I never knew what would trigger them, but I could handle them. And her sharp tongue; she could be really harsh with her words but she was always sorry afterwards. She had never been violent; not once. Not before Katelyn died.

The doctors said Katelyn had simply stopped breathing; things like this happen they assured me. A sympathetic pat on the back and we were sent home, alone, leaving Katelyn behind. Then began the despairing task of burying my little angel, who was only two months old.

Sara became withdrawn shortly after Katelyn was born. She had wanted a boy. We were told it was going to be a girl but Sara refused to believe it, she insisted the doctors had made a mistake. I never understood her great need for a son. When I asked her she would just shrug it off and say, she wanted him for me, to carry my last name, to be a legacy, a little Adam, she would chime. It made sense to me at the time. After Katelyn’s birth, Sara became detached to everyone particularly towards Katelyn and her anger towards me turned vile.

I knew her wanting a boy so desperately had to go much deeper than she was letting on, but Sara never talked about her feelings. In fact when she was happy everything was great, when she wasn’t it was my fault. Simple, nothing in-between.

I’ll never forget her detached tone. It was thick and stoic when she told me, Katelyn had died. She waited until I got home from work to tell me. That made no sense to me but there was too much to grasp, too many questions that seemed more important at that time. It was all too much for me. I guess I pushed that out of my mind. Now two years later that question haunts me more than anything. Well almost more than anything, she never cried over Katelyn's death either. Thinking about that still stirs a feeling of dread in my gut. I know there is more but I also know I couldn’t possibly handle knowing the truth. ~

It was fear that rose up inside of him every time he pondered those two questions, why did she wait? Why hasn’t she cried? Although he caught an occasional glimpse of the good women she had the potential to be he was aware of an evil that lurked just within the surface of her inner being. He knew it was wise to be afraid of her.

Adam wasn't a violent man, evidently not even in the face of danger; he couldn't raise a hand to her. He did initially attempt to protect himself. Being careful not to stand within arm’s length of her cigarette; she took pleasure in smashing them onto his face. He did attempt to deflect her swings, but never raised his hand against her. Inevitably during her tirades he ended up cowering on the floor in a corner fearing for his very life.
~
He continues to drive, persevering through the night, stopping only for gas.
Yawning he rubs his eyes and stretches one arm around his chest trying to stir himself up. Tiring, he strains to see the road in front of him, there was no moon or stars out to illuminate his way. His headlights were the only lights breaking through the dark of night. He didn't know where he was going; he just knew he had to go. There was nothing left to hold on to. No reason for him to go back. Katelyn was gone and so was Sara. Had she ever really been there? He didn't know anything anymore. The only thing that made any sense now was to keep driving and to never look back.
~
Chapter Three


Spring was a welcome sight, bringing with it a new life for Adam with new beginnings. The divorce to Sara was finalized in December. Standing on his deck looking out towards the lake, Adam draws in the fresh crisp air, filling his lungs and releasing with a satisfying sigh.

“Glad to be alive.” He muses.

He no longer had to live with the shame. He found a care group within one of the local churches. They wrapped their arms around him. What he thought would be a burden of shame to reveal his secrets, turned out to be quite redemptive. A new life began to evolve almost the moment he opened himself up to God and to others in his church.

He hadn't talked to Sara since that night. He let his lawyer’s handle everything. He even offered to pay for her attorney which she accepted. He wanted to make a clean break, no hard feelings as they say. He decided forgiveness, and letting go of all the bitterness was far better than holding on to it. More than anything, he wanted to live again.

He realized the events that had transpired in his life were just as much about him as they were about her. Even so, he couldn't help but wonder what deep dark secrets Sara kept hidden inside her soul. He wanted to know the truth, the truth about Katelyn, the truth about what turned Sara into a monster, but peace, yes peace right now was more important. Those secrets were going to have to lay dormant a while longer. He trusted the Lord would lead him to the truth when he was ready. Until then he was going to learn to walk in wholeness and hold his new friends and his new life dearly close to his heart.

“Adam, you have a phone call.” Roger, Adam’s roommate breaks his serenity.

“Can you take a message? I hate to pass up this glorious morning on the phone.”

“Sorry, Adam you should probably take this, she says her name is Sara.”

Adam’s hands began to sweat and his mouth went dry the very moment her name was mentioned.

“How did she get my number?” He whispers to Roger.

“I don’t know man; you want me to tell her you’re not here?”

“Sorry to do this to you but get her number. I’m going to have to call her back”

“Okay, don’t worry, I got it covered.” Roger assures him.

Adam can’t imagine what she could want after all this time. She hadn’t contested the divorce. She hadn’t requested to talk with him about anything written in the divorce papers. He wondered what she could want after all this time.

“Hell, Roger she got everything. When I walked out that night all I had were the clothes I was wearing. I left everything behind! I think I’m gonna be sick.” Adam moans.

Adam knew he needed to get his head together; this was too much to take in. All of these emotions coming at him surprised him; he thought he was over the past. He thought he had moved on. He grabs his bible and heads towards the lake.

Roger calls out to him; Adam waves his bible in the air and keeps walking. Roger smiles, knowing he was going to be all right.

Adam walks to his favorite spot on the lake front, between two massive oak trees. The limbs extend against a great expanse towards the sky, some of its gigantic limbs sweeping down almost touching the ground, and then jetting back up towards the heavens. The magnificence of these trees was symbolization to Gods majesty to Adam. He built a sturdy bench out of teak wood, placing it between the two trees. He felt safe as he sat nestled between the two of them. He came to this place many times during his restoration period, feeling closet to God there.

Sitting, he begins to search the word, reading aloud and speaking out to God asking for answers and seeking peace. Above all things he knew he needed God’s peace.

“Adam.” Barely a whisper, yet still recognizable.

Adam opened his eyes. For a moment he wished it was a ghost standing before him, but it wasn't it was her. It was Sara.

He checked himself, realizing his prayer had been answered, his inner turmoil had subsided.

Adam looked past Sara, in the distance he saw two men in suits, one leaning against a car the other pacing up and down the dirt road chain smoking cigarettes. Adam looked quizzical at Sara, but felt he should be silent.

“Adam, I tried to call first, but you were busy. I am sorry to drop in on you like this but I thought it would be best you heard this from me than from someone else.”

“Hear what? How did you know where to find me?”

“I’ve always known Adam. I came here one night to kill you, but I couldn’t do it. I was over taken by grief at the very sight of you.

“Wait, you’ve been here? In my house?” “When?” “To what, to kill me?"

"That doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter? You came to my home to kill me and it doesn’t matter?”

“Well, yes of course it does, but, but oh, please Adam.” She says, looking at him.

He notices tears streaming down her face.“You’re crying? Sara, what’s going on and who are those men?”

“May I sit?”

“Yes.” Adam pats the seat next to him and with his other hand he motions for her to come and sit next to him. He remembers the last time he did that, “Yes Sara please sit, let’s talk.”

“Those men over there are waiting for me. They are attorneys. When I leave here I am going to turn myself in.”

“Turn yourself in?” Adam swallows hard, sensing his fears are about to be founded. Without thought he tightens his grip on his bible and waits.

“Adam. I have done some terrible things, awful and unforgivable things. Sara looks down at her hands. Placing one trembling hand over the other, “I hate that.” She says.

Adam covers her trembling hands with his own. Inexplicably he knows what she is about to tell him, as if his inner spirit had already prepared him for this very moment.

She begins with telling him about her father, his drunken breath on her face as he violated her night after night. She pauses, to collect her thoughts. Continuing, she tells him about the last time he abused her. She tells him, how the moment she made the vow to protect herself was actually the moment she destroyed herself.

“Something inside of me changed, Adam. That night I vowed he would never hurt me again. I stopped crying. Almost instantly fear left me. That night I stopped feeling. When he was done with me, he staggered out of my room and passed out across his bed. I can still see my movements; it was as if I were on auto pilot. I don’t recall thinking, just doing. I sat lighting one cigarette after another, dropping some of them in a small wastebasket I sat beside his bed. Filling it with paper, tissue and placing the corner of the bedspread into the wastebasket; I placed other burning cigarettes on his bed until finally his sheets caught on fire. I carefully collected all the butts and carried them out of the room as his bed began to smolder. He was so stupid drunk; he never even woke up. I simply walked out the front door as his bed began to burn. I wasn’t sure if he was going to die, but I didn’t care, I wanted him to hurt, die, anything, something. Doing nothing was no longer an option for me. It really was much easier than I thought. As I walked down the street I flung the butts one at a time scattering them in the wind. I pretended they were his burnt ashes. That isn’t how it happened though; he didn’t turn into a pile of ashes. He did eventually die, four days later. I sat at his bedside and watched his last breath leave his body. It was the most satisfying day of my entire life. In his suffering I found comfort, only it didn’t last. I was tormented by what I had done but I convinced myself, it was my duty to rid this world of such evil.”

Taking a deep breath, she begins to shake, sobbing, she begs Adam to forgive her.

Adam knows what’s coming next. He asks God for strength. His voice cracks as he asks her the question he’s always known the answer to.

“Did you?” He clears his throat and whispers “Katelyn.” While still holding her hand he braces himself.

She slowly nods her head. Adam tightens his grip around her hand and begins to sob uncontrollably.

“I’m so sorry.” she whispers repeatedly.“Why, Sara? I don’t understand. Why? I’m not him, I’m not a monster. What?”

“Fear, Adam. Fear, I was so blinded by hatred and unbridled fear. I hated you just for being a man.”

She explains how her fear grew as her unborn child grew. She knew she had to protect her. Once Katelyn was born, Sara knew the evil that men perpetrated couldn’t be allowed to touch her sweet innocent Katelyn. Her heart breaks all over again as she tells him how she gently covered their little Katelyn’s mouth and nostrils, and held them shut until she stopped struggling. She truly believed she was saving Katelyn from the hell she had lived. And she hated Adam because she blamed him for what she had to do.

They continued to hold each other and for the first time since their daughter’s death they mourned for her together.

She tells him about what went on in her mind that led to the night she came to kill him and of her plan to take her own life immediately after.

She continues, “Your sliding door wasn’t locked. There was a full moon that night which helped me find my way through your house, to your bedroom. It all seemed so perfect and so easy. I saw you sleeping. You had your bible opened, lying across your chest. I stood over you, and then I realized I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do what I came here to do. I was disgusted with myself. I took one step back about to turn and walk out when I felt compelled to reach for your bible. I pulled it towards me; there was a faint glow from the moon which illuminated the stark white pages that the book was opened to. I stared at those pages but there wasn't enough light to make out the words. I was suddenly overtaken with grief. I ran out of your house clutching your bible to my chest, crying for the first time in twenty years. That was the moment something in me changed.

Adam interrupted, “Bible? Sara, I have my bible.”

They both realized that Sara had groped her way into Roger’s room. Adam remembered that day. Roger came into his room and woke him up asking if he had borrowed it. He helped Roger search for that bible everywhere. Finally after two days Roger broke down, buying himself a new bible.

Adam didn’t feel anger or rage welling up inside of him at any time during Sara’s confessions. He marvels at the immense emotion of compassion that is overtaking him, compassion for her and for the tragic events that led her life to this fateful end. He continues to hold her. They sit intertwined, sobbing together for what seemed like hours.

He knows she could very well be sentenced to death for her crimes and she did too, a price she is willing and ready to pay. She had made her peace with God and now with Adam. She is ready to face whatever is to be done to her. She tears herself from his embrace, thanking him for not hating her and expresses her gratitude for his undeserved mercy.

Kissing him softly on his check, she whispers “I’m not afraid.”

As he watches her walk away, Adam knows it is the Lords strength that is leading her, and keeping him.